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Thursday, 27 May 2010

Ramblings from a bored bar worker...

I watched the Queen's speech opening Government or whatever it was. Some questions I came up with though:

  1. Do you reckon the Queen goes to Specsavers?
  2. What does Prince Charles call the Queen?  Mother? Your Majesty? Mummy?
  3. Same question as above, but for her Grandsons...
It was quite funny though. Pretty much as soon as Prince Philip sat down, it looked like he had fallen asleep. Made me laugh. I found the top 15 quotes of Prince Philip that made me laugh so much I have to share them with you:

1. China State Visit, 1986
If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed.
2. To a blind women with a guide
“Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?”
3. To an Aborigine in Australia
“Do you still throw spears at each other?”
4. To his wife, the Queen, after her coronation
“Where did you get the hat?”
5. When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union
“The bastards murdered half my family”
6. To a Briton in Budapest
“You can’t have been here that long – you haven’t got a pot belly.”
7. To a driving instructor in Scotland
“How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?”

8. After the Dunblane shooting
“If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?”
9. To a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea
“You managed not to get eaten, then?”
10. To Elton John after hearing Elton had sold his Gold Aston Martin
“Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car – we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.”
11. On the London Traffic Debate
“The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion.”
12. To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes
“You look like you’re ready for bed!”
13. Unknown
“If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it’s either a new woman or a new car!”
14. On key problems facing Brazil
“Brazilians live there”
15. To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean
“You have mosquitos. I have the Press”
I wish I could draw. I cant even draw :( on paper. Sucks. Everyone I work with seems to be a freaking artist!! Every time I go into work there are loads of "doodles" (which I think are amazing) behind the bar. 
I obviously have my card business but, as of yet, I've had no orders. Which kinda upsets me tbh. I came into work today and somebody had drawn a  Hibiscus flower and I immediately thought "Ohhhh, that would look awesome as a tattoo on my wrist" I had a tattoo on my right wrist a while ago and it hurt so much that I swore I'd never get another one done. However, 3 or 4 days later I was planning my next one!!! I'm definitely going to have a memoriam one done for my Nan. However, I cant decide whether to have the full size Celtic style heart on the bottom of my back or whether to just have the R.I.P writing on my left wrist. I also keep seeing loads of people with tattoos on the back of their necks that I think looks awesome. And now the flower!!! So annoying.


I'm back to work today after nearly 3 weeks off. Still don't feel great. My neck is killing me. As is my stomach. I keep going really dizzy and I'm having to seriously concentrate on not being sick. It's causing me to keep dropping shit. Particularly expensive bottles. Thankfully we have rubber bar mats so nothing broke! Couldn't afford to have £50 coming out of my wages for smashing a bottle of Champagne. 
Doesn't help that I'm nervous about Ben and his exams. I really hope he believes in himself enough to pass. Although I don't think he does. he starts revising and then, what seems like 10 minutes later, he's playing Soma. I really hope he passes. He's put too much effort into it all to just drop out. I believe in him. I know he can do it. He just needs to believe in himself. But we shall see. I just hope he knows how much I love him. And obviously I shall be by his side no matter what happens.



Arrrrrrggggghhhhh!!! This guy really knows how to piss me off!!! Our rent was dude last Wednesday (19/05/10)  so we told him we needed his rent before the banks closed on Tuesday. However, he decided to go to Leeds for a week - leaving Monday. Did he give us our rent before he left?? Did he f#ck!! Ben and I ended up having a huge argument about it as I think we should just kick the f#cker out, but Ben doesn't want to. 
He finally came back on Saturday. I'd text him during the week telling him to have our rent ready for us as soon as he got home. He replied saying he's sorted it with Ben before he went. Lie number one.
On Sunday, after we still didn't have our rent, I went up to him and asked him for it. He said it was in his room and he disappeared to go and get it. Lie number 2. After waiting 20-30 minutes, I got bored and went into my bedroom to get my laptop at which point he came out of his room and I heard him talking to Ben. As soon as I re-entered the living room, he went back to his bedroom. Thinking he'd finally paid I asked Ben. But no. He'd come up with some shit sob story about how his credit card had been stolen and funnily enough, he now has charges for the same amount of money that he owed us!! Load of bollocks. Oh, and I also discovered that he doesn't even have a credit card.
Ben turned round to him and said that we needed the money asap and he finally gave us some on Monday (24/05/10) and said we could have the rest today. However, Ben text him earlier today to remind him when he went out and he replied saying that he didn't have it all but could give us some!!! He keeps tattooing in my spare bedroom and when Ben asked him to stop, he turned round and said that he could stop tattooing, but wouldn't be able to pay us rent as that's his only income. AND THEN HE DOESN'T FREAKING PAY US ANYWAY!!!
 Although I had to laugh. Monday night, Ben and I went out and when we came back we noticed that his bike had gone. We assumed he had finally moved it like we (and the caretaker) had been telling him to for the past 2 months. About half hour later, he asked us where WE had put his bike... he's had his bike nicked!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Actually  made me laugh!! What goes around comes around. What's even funnier is that on his Facebook he is getting really stressy saying that when he finds who stole his bike he's gonna skin him alive!! WHATEVER DUDE! CHILL THE F#CK OUT!! Serves you right you ignorant, obnoxious twat. 

He really needs to learn to wash up too. He just kinda rinses anything he uses with water and he thinks that will do. I've just gone to put all my washing up away to find that there is still food, finger prints and lip marks on my glasses and plates that he had apparently "washed up" Made me feel sick. He had left some of OUR glasses in his room in the nearly 30 degree heat for a week while he went away. First thing he did when he got home was put some water in some mouldy glasses and then left them on my kitchen worktop. And then he said he needed to use the washing machine so I had to stop halfway through my washing so he could use the machine. 2 days later, he decided to go to London for the day. But neglected to take the washing out of my washing machine. So I pulled it all out (while wearing gloves - I aint touching that!) and dumped it all in a dirty Tesco's delivery box XD Made me feel a bit better. 

But anyways, I think that I should probably leave now. I've had my rant for today - thank you for listening!!!


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