Monday, 9 May 2011
As you may know, I’m currently coming off my antidepressants. They say that a side effect of Prozac is dulled libido. Man, they weren’t kidding! I’ve quartered my dose within the past month and ho-ly shit!! Im suddenly feeling very, erm, how do I put this? Ah fuck it - horny! All. The. Damn. Time!! It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we have sex, 10 mins later it’s like nothing happened! I’m not complaining, but I don’t think Ben can really keep up with me anymore. Lol. We’ve spent 5 years with a rather slow sex life and now it’s gone into bleeding overdrive! Haha. Anywho, I’m gonna go now that I’ve filled your heads with TMI :P
I'm trying to keep my head up, stay positive. But its so hard. I just want to be happy. And to have my husband to myself. Im fed up of my brother being here now. He eats all the food, drinks all the drink and then gives us £10 for 3 months worth of rent/bills/food. I dont feel like I can say anything as he’s my brother.
I just want my husband back, and our flat to ourselves.
I just wanted to say how proud I am of my husband. He dropped out of uni about this time last year as he was failing all his courses and he couldn’t really be bothered with the effort. He then spent the summer being dicked around by his previous job, before getting a job at Krispy Kreme in September. He was at KK for 5 weeks before getting employee of the month. A month later he won a fancy dress comp. 2 weeks after that he won the company’s mystery shop. He got the highest score in the history of Krispy Kreme UK. He was also nominated for an award at their annual awards dinner. The general manager of the UK knows Ben by name and has told Ben he will have his own store within the next year.
In march, Ben was put forward as a candidate for a Team Leader position. He then started the training for the role. Not even 3 weeks later, Ben has been promoted AGAIN. He is now solely in charge of training new recruits and re-training every body else when needed.
Ben thought that when he left uni, he would be classed as a failure. I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart, he is anything but a failure and I could not be more proud to call myself his wife.
Cant even say Ive been too busy. Cos I haven’t.
I got a new phone, a BlackBerry. Was really happy with it to begin with as it is in a really good condition. However, on further inspection, and play we have discovered that it cannot be connected to the internet. This means, no emails (the primary function for which I bought the damn thing) and no BBM, which I was reallylooking forward to playing with.
I had my implant out too. Coincidentally the same day I got my BB. Wasn’t as bad as I was thinking. Only bit I really felt was the needle for the local. She then just sliced my arm open with a scalpel and pulled it out. It was slightly bent from where I kept playing with it. It bled a lot. Was dripping down my arm. She turned round to get the stitches and when she looked back it had bled so much it had dripped onto the floor! She was like “Woah, its not supposed to bleed that much! Especially as it was so easy to take out!” But then I tend to bleed a lot so I wasn’t worried. Lol. She put 3 or 4 stitches in and a plaster then put a pressure bandage on. I have to keep the plaster on for 5 days and the bandage on for 3. I have also recently remembered though, that I’m allergic to plaster glue. And now my arm is itchy as hell!! The bandage is also doing my nut in!!
Im insanely broody right now. Not only have I had my implant out (Ben is now with holding sex), but my friend has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl! And they’ve chosen the most amazing name: Colbie Faith! How cute and original is that!! If Ben and I have a baby, I want a girl. Mainly because I love the name we have picked out: Sophia Kathleen Thomas. I think The name Sophia is so pretty and it means “Wisdom” apparently! And Kathleen was my late Nan’s name. I’m not so sure on the boys name Ben has picked out; Raiden Alan Thomas. Poor kid. Raiden is from the game Metal Gear Solid. I lovethe character, but not sure how a kid will fair going through life with it. Alan is Ben’s granddads name. Apparently its tradition.
Anywho, I have crap to do
Hmm, what can I say about my day? It’s been up and down. I was supposed to have a cheque clear today and with that money i was going to pay for the blackberry pearl I won a few days ago. I was also going to give ben some money so he could go to his managers leaving do tomorrow night. But instead, Sky decided to take their bill 12 days late and that swallowed all the money from the cheque. Mood goes down. I asked my mum if I can borrow the money to pay for my phone so that I don’t piss the guy off and get any neg feedback. She says yes and gave me her card details, with which I was able to pay for the phone. Mood goes up. Ben then decides to get out of bed. Mood goes down again. Hard. I then start REALLY craving mint magnums. But alas, we have no money thanks to sky (double points go to Ben for pointing that out to me). Mood sinks lower still. I got my remastered version of “RedVsBlue - The Blood Gulch Chronicles” byRooster Teeth. Mood goes up. Aidan (my brother) and Ben go into town to sell some DVDs so I decide to curl up on the couch and watch Angel. Mood picks up a bit. Ben rings asking if I want a magnum. Mood picks up more. They have no mint ones. Only White and almond (who the fuck would want an almond flavoured ice cream?! Bleugh!!) Mood sinks. When they eventually get home, Aidan decides to go out skating leaving me and Ben alone. I ask for hugs, and eventually get them. Hugs then lead to other things, which leads to me and Ben in bed again. Mood picks up a lot. We end up just lying in bed cuddling while listening to the drunk tank podcast. Feeling very happy and satisfied now, but still that something is wrong. Ben tries again to pick my mood up and I end up so worn out I slept for a few hours. I woke up to the phone ringing and Ben talking to the guys from EDF about our electric bill. Now, I rang up on Friday and paid as much of the bill as I could and I set up a direct debit to come out. However, this guy was saying I HADN’T paid anything. I HADN’T spoken to anyone and that I HADN’T set up a DB. He also tried to say that we needed to pay £200 a MONTH to clear our bill! Now I’m just plain angry!! I ended up telling him to shut up and listen. I explained that I set up a DB on Friday (even gave him the woman’s name) and that we had agreed to pay £100 a month and even that was stretching it. I then hung up on him after he said ok.
That was pretty much it. Still in a kinda pissed off/depressed mood. This new half dose of Prozac is going to be fun. Not.
My trip to the doctors was pretty successful :) They actually called me Mrs Thomas. I giggled and walked through the waiting room with a HUGE grin on my face. I was given a liquid form of prozac so that I can halve my dose again and Im going in for minor surgery on Thursday :) Hopefully I will be off the prozac completely in a month or 2! Cant wait. Been on it so long now Ive forgotten what its like to be normal. I get a bit paranoid every time Im overly happy - is it me or the drug? But I will find out soon enough :D
Ben seems pretty happy with the results too. Although he whined like a bitch when I asked him to come with me! But he did in the end. Mainly cos I can do the whole whiny bitch thing better than he can :P
I love being married. Every so often, I look at Ben and get such a strong wave of love and affection it makes me cry. I look at him sleeping, or making dinner and actually feel sorry for all those people that have never felt this way about someone. I feel such pride when I see him at work, doing what he loves, and doing well at it. We’ve been through so much together and I can’t see us ever not being together. I’ve known since I met him that I wanted to be with him. It took me a few years (and him to be dating someone else) to realise that I loved him and never wanted to wake up without him by my side.
I love (pretty much) everything about him. They way he makes me a cup of tea in bed every morning. The way he gives me a kiss and a cuddle before he leaves for work in the morning. Even if he’s running late and I’m asleep. The way he pokes his tongue out at me when I go to see him at work, but he’s busy and can’t talk to me.
People say that when you have kids you have never known love like it. But I don’t understand. How can I physically love someone MORE then I love my husband? How can my heart be capable of loving someone else as much, or even more, than Ben? I don’t think my heart is physically big enough to handle that kind of love!!
I know this is uber soppy, but I don’t care. I love my husband and I am proud to be his wife - now and forever more xx