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Me and Ben

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Saturday, 15 May 2010

Up date and a lil' bit of history...

Well, Ben has just left for his 1st written exam :S He had a fibres test practical thing last week which he forgot to take his notes to (twit) but he managed to do pretty well in it anyway and passed :D

So yeah, I'm now sitting in bed, waiting for my pain killers to kick in so that my head and neck will stop hurting like a bitch! My head hurts, my neck hurts, my throat hurts, I feel nauseous, and I feel dizzy :'( So I really am feeling like a piece of poo today!

Everything is irritating me today:

  • The fact that it is taking me 3 or 4 attempts to send each damn text message from my phone and about 3 minutes to connect if I try and ring someone.
  • The fact that I'm hungry but the thought of food makes me feel ill. 
  • The fact that my pain killers are yet to kick in and stop my head and neck hurting.
  • Every time I cough it nearly splits my head in 2.
  • I want to take Ben out to dinner, but I also told him I'd buy him Skate 3 and wont have enough money to do both.
  • The fact that I cant get comfortable. 
  • That fact that my laptop keeps deciding to do its own thing. For example, last night, i put it to sleep but it decided to wake itself up about 2 hours later and then constantly hum while it did stuff I didn't want it to do.
  • The fact that I have just spent half an hour playing a game on Facebook (Hotel City) for it to then crash and loose everything I had just done and paid for. Now, this wouldn't be so bad, if I had got all the items back - or at least all the money I'd spent. But no, it took both. And then it decided it wasn't going to let me close the frigging page and so I had to ctrl alt delete that bitch!
  • the fact that I really want a car. And I really want to be able to drive legally. But no. Cant do either because of no money. 
I'm feeling annoyingly depressed today. Now, I have suffered from depression for about 6 years now, so I'm used to that. But I have also been on tablets for most of those years and I always thought that when on the medication, I'd be normal. But no. I hate going up and down and up and down all the time! One minute I can be perfectly happy then then next I will either want to kill myself or someone near to me (which is usually Ben - how he puts up with me I do not know. I guess it really is love) Yesterday I was fine, and this morningn I felt ok. But now I've nose dived. And I always do it when im on my own. which sucks. Wish Ben was here. He would give me a hug and tell me that everything will be alright and he'd make me smile. He always does that. He can make me smile, even when I'm so pissed at him its unreal. drives me up the wall. I'm beginnging to be able to do it to him to. But hes better at hiding it then me. I just start grinning whereas he can slyly turn his head so I cant see him and still think he's pissed at me! Haha.

Im going to have to cut this one short, my parents are on their way to see me :D


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